Monday, March 28, 2011
So Phetermine Day 1
I was totally freaking out..so I decided to take only half a pill ....sooo I did that like a half hour ago...so far...I haven't felt much...but it prly hasn't really got in my system yet i suspect...Regardless I prayed like crazy before I took it that it would just totally help me out! And I trust the Lord that he will protect me! He is stronger than any fear I have or any medication I could take :D
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
So i've been slacking here lately...
but i'm happy to get back on board...
I first want to say my daughter has shown me what love is...in a different way than I ever expected...She has taught me more and more how God loves me.
That being said.
Eric Christopher Selner...I have put him through more than any one man should endure when they love a woman..He loves me and my daughter...and goes above and beyond to make us feel loved, wanted, special, important, and beautiful. He's my best friend, he's who i call when i'm having a horrible day, and when i'm pissy and need someone to bitch at...he takes it and then calms me down as much as possible haha. We're totally the opposite in so many ways, but God has really been showing me the positives in that. His heart is focused on Christ, and I love it. He's so steadfast and stable and such a constant in my life, never waivering his feelings for me, never changing his mind about me. Completely the opposite of me once again. Where I'm weak he's strong and where he's weak i'm strong (not that many places for me haha). We compliment each other...life isn't about all the CRAZY new feelings. It's about what you strive to build...and what you're afraid of letting go, but once you do, you love and see differently. I couldn't imagine a better man for my daughter and for any future children I would have...his face lights up when he sees Keelynn. Like she's his. For a long time that bothered me, like "oh, he's faking it because he loves me" but it's real and it's amazing. God has given me this wonderful man and I always push it away.. why? Fear of letting myself be vulnerable? Fear of letting someone in? Fear of having someone other than her biological father be her dad? Neglecting her? Giving my life over to another person? D all of the above...I'm scared of making the WRONG choice...but the truth is God would not have put him in my life...every single thing i prayed for, for no reason at all.
I honestly believe God has sometimes a very strange way of showing me things. Ways that hurt, but through the pain, I'm turned into something new and different. I need to stop seeing what the WORLD thinks of a relationship and what the WORLD thinks I should "feel" and start looking at what CHRIST did out of love and how his love wasn't always so beautiful in a worldly fashion...The cross was the picture of beauty and love...but the world doesn't look at that as beauty...no a wordly person says "why didn't he just get off the cross, why didn't he just come down, he was God right?" Exactly...Beauty....
but i'm happy to get back on board...
I first want to say my daughter has shown me what love is...in a different way than I ever expected...She has taught me more and more how God loves me.
That being said.
Eric Christopher Selner...I have put him through more than any one man should endure when they love a woman..He loves me and my daughter...and goes above and beyond to make us feel loved, wanted, special, important, and beautiful. He's my best friend, he's who i call when i'm having a horrible day, and when i'm pissy and need someone to bitch at...he takes it and then calms me down as much as possible haha. We're totally the opposite in so many ways, but God has really been showing me the positives in that. His heart is focused on Christ, and I love it. He's so steadfast and stable and such a constant in my life, never waivering his feelings for me, never changing his mind about me. Completely the opposite of me once again. Where I'm weak he's strong and where he's weak i'm strong (not that many places for me haha). We compliment each other...life isn't about all the CRAZY new feelings. It's about what you strive to build...and what you're afraid of letting go, but once you do, you love and see differently. I couldn't imagine a better man for my daughter and for any future children I would have...his face lights up when he sees Keelynn. Like she's his. For a long time that bothered me, like "oh, he's faking it because he loves me" but it's real and it's amazing. God has given me this wonderful man and I always push it away.. why? Fear of letting myself be vulnerable? Fear of letting someone in? Fear of having someone other than her biological father be her dad? Neglecting her? Giving my life over to another person? D all of the above...I'm scared of making the WRONG choice...but the truth is God would not have put him in my life...every single thing i prayed for, for no reason at all.
I honestly believe God has sometimes a very strange way of showing me things. Ways that hurt, but through the pain, I'm turned into something new and different. I need to stop seeing what the WORLD thinks of a relationship and what the WORLD thinks I should "feel" and start looking at what CHRIST did out of love and how his love wasn't always so beautiful in a worldly fashion...The cross was the picture of beauty and love...but the world doesn't look at that as beauty...no a wordly person says "why didn't he just get off the cross, why didn't he just come down, he was God right?" Exactly...Beauty....
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